100 Up

My filing system needs a serious upgrade.

Because, for the life of me, I cannot lay hands on the actual letter my father sent me upon high school graduation.

Still, I know its contents. Could, if necessary, provide an accurate summary, his consistent values etched in my mind, his words a treasure trove of love, advice, and support. Information as precious today as 50 years ago. Reminders and character traits that will be as relevant 50 years from now.

I contemplate a remarkable life.

Born in Shanghai, he is sent by his parents to Britain as a young boy. Boards at a prep school in the Scottish Borders, then at high school in the English Midlands. Develops into an outstanding, all-round athlete. Fast and strong, agile, powerful, extremely competitive. Very much at home on the rugby field, the track, the cricket pitch, in the gymnastics arena, or boxing ring.

Set to study law at Cambridge, he soon withdraws to join the Royal Navy. Sees out World War II. Still not yet 20 years of age, he considers his next steps. Returning to Asia not a possibility, his parents no longer alive, unfortunate victims of a bombing raid gone awry while interred by the Japanese in Hong Kong.

And so, having weighed up various other options, my father sets sail for Canada. Arrives in Montreal, then works his way across the vast country. Plans to join his younger sister, in the care of family friends, on the west coast.

September 1948. Flat broke, but armed with a natural enthusiasm and quiet confidence, he applies to work at a private institution in rural Vancouver Island. At Shawnigan Lake School.

Over the better part of the next five decades, it is fair to say he becomes something of a legend. A committed teacher, an elite level coach. Later on, a Senior House Director, Admissions Director, Deputy Headmaster, Acting Headmaster. Soon supported by a wonderfully capable, cheerful, and selfless wife, whose values mirror his own, he becomes a hugely influential mentor to generations of students. Helps guide Shawnigan through some challenging times. Helps solidify a foundation that sees the school rightfully evolve into one of the absolute best in North America.

Sport just one mechanism for him to impart crucial life lessons.

Indeed, my high school sporting years at the school pass by in a flash, a whirlwind of rugby, cross country, soccer, basketball, golf, track and field, tennis, and field hockey. Along with numerous others, I learn from my father that superior fitness levels are not only non-negotiable but a key ingredient of mental strength. That sound athletic basics, such as running, throwing, passing, catching, kicking, and hitting, are vitally important.

In addition, as part of an arguably “old school” approach, he drums into us that little of real consequence can take place without accountability, self discipline, consistent work ethic, competitive spirit, character, and teamwork.

Moreover, my father stresses that disappointment and failure are necessary in order to make progress, that F-A-I-L stands only for First Attempt in Learning. That successful athletes are never beaten unless they quit. That making excuses and wallowing in self pity are destructive qualities. And that, above all, athletic pursuits should be enjoyed.

Finally, he pounds home a family motto. Be Thorough. That to cut corners, in any way, shape, or form, will prove costly.

My graduation letter, dated June 1975, penned on white notepaper, in his distinctive handwriting, hammers away in similar fashion. He states that he is proud of me. Then follows with seven points of view. Crystal clear suggestions as to how I might approach life in the years ahead.

First, family must always remain the greatest gift of all. He insists we love, protect, and support each other through thick and thin. Our bond to be stronger than anything life might throw at us.

Secondly, I should practice gratitude. That the world’s most powerful prayer is two simple words - Thank you.

Thirdly, eyeing with suspicion ever developing technology, he implores me to remember that personal relationships will always be far more important than sparkly new gadgets. That it will always be people, not material objects, who make the world go round.

Next, he opines that from those to whom much has been given, much is expected. That, having lacked for nothing while growing up, I should aim going forward to contribute positively to society in as many ways as possible.

I must also foster and maintain a keen sense of humour. Joke, swap stories, tell tall tales, as they are a tonic. Laugh loudly and, as he did, laugh often. And encourage others to do the same.

Sixth, I should not compromise standards. Instead, make decisions as required and follow through. Do not second guess. Do the right thing, not what is expedient. As honesty, honour, humility, courage, compassion, respect, and empathy will remain timeless virtues.

Finally, he champions an upbeat approach to life. And that certainly, in seeking out the best in every person and every situation, I should do likewise.

As much as anything, I come to admire and appreciate his boundless good cheer, relentless optimism, and search for the bright side of any situation.

As his Shawnigan career nears the finish, he anticipates a long and happy retirement. Looks forward in particular to extended family gatherings, of spending quality time with his beloved wife and children. Of meeting his grandchildren, of getting to watch them grow in turn.

Sadly, it is not to be. Cruelly losing his wife, our mother, far too soon only hastens his own passing. Leaving a family, and many friends, to mourn.

Thirty years pass by. If time, to a degree, does eventually heal all wounds, on regular occasions I still sense his presence. Know that, along with my siblings, I can draw upon his strength and example. Both in the good times but especially when feeling low or when saddled with doubt or uncertainty. And, while my father never looked at life through rose coloured glasses, even as the world at present threatens to implode I should draw equally upon his faith and belief in positive outcomes.

In this regard, I enjoy a wry smile on remembering his unhesitating retirement decision to index his pension to last until age 100.

Well, today is that day. September 5, 2025.

Happy 100^th birthday, Dad. Give Mom a huge hug. And thank you for everything.